jus wanna say gdbye to everyone.. gonna serve my country starting tml.. yeah dat dreaded day has finally caught up with me.. so i'll cya guys arnd yeah? lolz.. wish me luck.. *crossing fingers
pissed. fucking pissed. jus walked out on my family lunch. so really fucking pissed. faggot uncle. y cant dey jus lemme pursue my own ambitions in life. is it so wrong to wanna join the police force for 5 years and get a degree after dat. each time a damn relative pesters me to re-think abt my decision, it eats at me inside. and its been eating and nibbling and chewing away until it reached a point dat i culdnt take it anymore and jus exploded and walked out on lunch which the whole damn family gathered to remember my late grandmother. i dun feel any remorse. i dun feel a single bit of regret at all for doing wad i did. im happy i walked out. when i was walking home with nickelback blasting in my ears frm my ipod, i felt free. i jus wanted to keep walking and nv go home. nv turn back. jus continue walking and see where my feet take me. life's a journey of self discovery. but wad self discovery is dere when u cant even make ur own decision?
woke up dis morning frm my ringing phone at 10am.. call came frm my aunt's hse.. answered the call and the person at the other end didnt say anything.. tot it was one of the kids playing a prank on me so i called my aunt's number back.. after 3 tries my aunt answered... told me to rush down cos my grandma had choked.. didnt think it was bad at first cos she chokes all the time.. when i went over i saw 3 paramedics trying to revive her.. they're lil machine chiming 'no heart pulse detected..' stretchered her off to hospital immediately.. aunt julie went with dem in the ambulance.. she told me to call my mum to notify the family members immediately.. called my mum on my mobile.. wasnt fully awake yet so didnt really noe wad was going on.. too many things were happening dat my brain culd not register fast enuf.. reached the hospital at arnd 12.. saw my grandma lying on the bed with a tube sticking out of her mouth.. den it hit me lyk a freight train.. i've neva eva cried at any funeral or wheneva i saw a dead relative.. looking at my grandma's lifeless body.. smthing jus burst inside me and for the 1st time in the 21 years of my life.. i cracked and broke down... 1st time in 21 years i cried... it all happened in the morning.. grandma always choked.. cos she had alot of phlem.. been lyk dat for a very long time already.. doctors culd only do 1 thing abt it and dat was putting a tube down her throat permantly and feeding her liquids.. grandma didnt want dat.. she was a strong person.. she chose not to have the tubes.. and so she continued eating normally for the past couple of years... past few days she didnt really hav much appetite and was getting weaker.. aunt julie decided to giv her brand's essence of chicken since granny liked it.. aunt julie recalled hearing her choke while she was drinking.. neither she nor my uncle paid much attention.. it was a regular noise in the house.. granny's coughing and choking followed by cursing after dat.. 2dae was different... coughing... choking and den... silence... next thing dey knew... she was slumped in her chair... eyes closed, mouth wide open... gone... choked to death... by the damn brand's essence of chicken... dat little silent murderer... my uncle tried to revive her until the paramedics came... the doctors at the hospital did manage to revive her heart but she was already brain dead... b4 all of us culd swallow the fact dat she was brain dead, granny breathed her last... abt an hr after the doctors managed to revive her heart... gone.. for good... granny raised me up since i was young... she took care of me cos my parents had to work... i culd not hav asked for a betta grandmother... she wuld always ramble on and on abt how justin and i wuld visit her in the hospital wheneva she got warded... abt how justin and i were good kids growing up... abt how much she loved the 2 of us... abt how we were her 2 favourite grandkids... i'd giv anything to hear those ramblings now... letting go is hard... but its life... we all need 2 move on.... at least she didnt suffer so much cos she was already brain dead... at least she didnt hav 2 become a vegetable... granny... u'll always b in my heart... the memories will foreva b cherished... wad u hav done for me, bringing me up, will nv b forgotten... i'll miss u grandma... every nite i'll look at the empty rocking chair and picture u dere... sitting dere shaking ur head... rambling on abt how grandpa and aunt julie killed u 3 times... all ur constant cursing... granny... whereva u are... may ur soul rest in peace... may the lord welcome u into his kingdom where u will b happy, peaceful and free frm all the sickness dat plagued u on this earth... gdbye grandma.. i love u... a lil too late now... the song in the blog's going out to u grandma...
sianzz.. as if it wasnt hard enuf to choose between army and police.. now i've got another choice.. the air force.. lolz.. received a letter frm dem 2dae.. hmmm.. super sianzz.. dunno wad to choose now.. NoOooOOO!! graduation's coming soon! so fast! a few more days and i'll b officially out of temasek poly.. man.. im getting old.. all my frens are celebrating their 21st birthdays already sia!! man im OLD!! haiz..
had a soccer match 2dae.. abt the match.. i got nth to say and the only thing i can do is shake my head in shame... the team's becoming more lyk sunderland.. if we took part in any league we'd b at the bottom of the table and the greatest achievement we culd possibly get was to battle relegation... dats how screwed up the team is starting to make me feel.. we can play lyk 10 games and win only 1.. dats pathetic.. dats screwed up.. dats farked up!! dammit... im tired of losing all the time... the key players in the team are always MIA.. cant blame tai cos he went to thailand for army training.. alloy's in army also.. amos? i hav no idea wad his excuse is.. tomo? no idea also.. mus hav been the rain.. stupid sissy boy.. called us up abt an hr b4 the match started and said he wasnt turning up.. dere goes our goalkeeper.. we need betta strikers.. or rather.. FASTER strikers.. our strikers cant run for NUTS.. and deres always the chance of our unable midfield breaking down.. midfielders are supposed to win the ball.. instead, i, a centre back, gotta drift off my defensive line to win balls in midfield! and the best part was i got scolded by a radio mouth for dat.. kns.. told sam not to call me anymore for matches unless we're playing against really screwed up teams.. i cant take it anymore.. ive had enuf of the team.. i threatened to quit last time and i think if this losing streak continues im outta the team.. period..
well.. jus got my police letter a couple of days ago.. turns out if i do decide to sign the police bond i'll b going in on the 13th of june.. so much for a month's notice huh.. its only 3 weeks.. and if i do sign the bond means i'll most probably miss my graduation ceremony cos i gotta attend a briefing on the same day.. tried emailing the ppl at the email addresses enclosed with my letter.. asked dem if i culd mayb postpone the date of my enlistment cos of my graduation ceremony and i got my driving exam and classes to finish.. no reply yet.. oh well.. so now im stuck with 2 choices.. to sign the bond with the police and serve the 5 years or turn dem down and join the army.. i noe i was dead keen on joining the police.. but dat was den.. after reading the bond.. i realised dat dere were actually quite a few things dat dey didnt mention in the interviews.. quite a few things dat make the police not so good to sign a bond with.. so rite now im kinda torn between the two.. den deres the prob with getting 2 sureties if i decide to sign for police.. i dun hav anyone dat can fulfil all the requirements met by the police's bond.. tried talking to mel abt these problems.. was hoping she wuld hav at least heard me out abt everything and den judge frm dere after she knew everything.. but she cut me short and asked me to make my decision.. got quite upset with her cos of dat cos i really wanted to share with her how i was feeling and wanted her opinion after she had a better view of everything.. cos its really not wad it seems.. oh well.. read her blog jus now.. shes angry at me cos i chewed her up and spat her out.. i dun see how 'the least u culd hav done was hear me out abt the things concerning the police force and the army.. let me explain wad i feel abt the bond and everything but nvm la.. i'll go think it thru den decide frm dere since u keep pushing me to make a decision' shoes dat im angry and i chewed her up and spat her out.. i've been trying to analyse it for the past 8 hrs and until now i dun see how dat links.. anyway.. fine.. im sorry.. its my fault.. i'll jus leave it at dat.. i will not dive into the situation and try to analyse everything and point fingers at who's wrong or who's rite.. i'll jus leave it at dat.. i'll probably take the next few days to think it thru.. so many factors.. sigh.. all i wanted was someone to share dis big change in my life with..
You seem to find the dark when everything is bright
You look for all that's wrong instead of all that's right
Does it feel good to you to rain on my parade
You never say a word unless it's to complain
It's driving me insane
If I were you
Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing I'd do
Is thank the stars for all that I have
If I were you
Look what surrounds you now
More than you ever dreamed
Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be
So what's it going to take
For you to realize
It all could go away in one blink of an eye
It happens all the time
If I were you
Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing I’d do
Is thank the stars above
Tell the world I love that I do
If I were you
If I were you
If I were you
If I were you
So what's it going to take
For you to realize
It all could go away in one blink of an eye
It happens all the time
If I were you
Holding the world right in my hands
The first thing I’d do
Is thank the stars above
For the world I love
Take a breath and enjoy the view
Live the life that I’ve wanted to
If I were you
If I were you
If I were you
